As you could probably guess, all kinds of mad shit has gone down, but I'm not even going to bother getting into to most of it, as I suppose that most of it doesn't even really matter all that much in the long run. Of course, at The Time, all of these things probably seemed extremely fucking important, but when I look back none of it really seems all THAT important after all, once I remember that Shakespeare line: "Life blah blah blah idiot blah blah blah sound blah blah blah fury blah blah blah nothing." (Of course I'm paraphrasing, but you get the general idea.)
Okay.... so what should I talk about? Let's talk about Shakespeare. Why? Why the fuck not? Is Shakespeare not as good a topic for discussion as anything else? Anyway, it's already in my head so I might as well write SOMETHING about him. Here are my thoughts on Shakespeare: Terribly boring crap. Yes, I said it. And I'll say it one more time, just in case any of you want to hear it again: Terribly boring crap. I've probably offended a few people by calling one of the most famous and overrated oops I mean run into the fucking ground oops I mean recognizable playwrights in human history "terribly boring crap," but you know what? If you're reading this, and if I've offended you, then you're exactly the kind of person whose opinion I value even less than, well, something very unimportant and worthless. Let me explain why it is exactly that I think that Shakespeare is "terribly boring crap." Here, I'll put it in hideously simple form, and then I'll elaborate.....
Shakespeare = The Backstreet Boys.
Is that a little too simple, perhaps?
Okay, I'll explain it in three (3) words: Lowest Common Denominator.
Now you starting to catch on?
I hate Shakespeare for the same reason that I hate the fucking Backstreet Boys. No, not because it's "cool" to say you hate the Backstreet Boys, just like how 4 or 5 years ago it was "cool" to say you hated the Spice Girls. I hate Shakespeare* AND the Backstreet Boys* because in my opinion, they were both created for the same purpose, to appeal to the Lowest Common Denominator, and are both similar embodiments of all of the crap that is now called "Pop Culture."
*(Note: The term "Shakespeare" pertains mainly to "the collective works of Shakespeare," not to the man himself, whereas the term "Backstreet Boys" pertains not only to the "music" of said group but to the individuals involved as well.)
Have you ever read Shakespeare? To those of you who have, can you really, honestly say that you actually enjoyed it anymore than you would enjoy reading, say, "Dilbert"? I can't. And please... do me the favour of not blatantly insulting my intelligence by thinking something like "Well maybe it's just too difficult reading for you." Because you know what? Contrary to what every single English teacher I had throughout jr. high & high school may have told me, it is SO NOT "difficult reading." The only excuse that I can possibly think of for calling Shakespeare "difficult" would be the difference in grammar and a few archaic words thrown in here and there. Once you get past that, it's all SO FUCKING SIMPLE IT'S EMBARASSING.
I'm almost positive that I have yet to convince anyone who may be reading this that Shakespeare is "terribly boring crap," and I still have a few individual thoughts on the subject/reasons why I think so, so what I'll do is I'll make a list...
1) "Famous" and "Good Quality" are two TOTALLY different things, a fact made quite obvious by specimens/pieces of trash such as Courtney Love, SPAM, Picasso, Nike, Keanu Reeves, the "Home Alone" series, and the Holy Roman Catholic Church. I mean, if some dog in Central Park dropped a talking pile of shit on the ground, and EVERYONE in New York flocked to come see this amazing talking pile of shit, it doesn't change the fact that it's STILL JUST A PILE OF SHIT, talking or not. Just because it's a FAMOUS pile of shit does not make it a GOOD QUALITY pile of shit.
2) In a slight variant of Idea #1, "Somewhat Difficult To Understand" ALSO does not equal "Good Quality." Drunken Australian sailors are somewhat difficult to understand. Scientologists are somewhat difficult to understand. Graffiti written 14 years ago in pencil on the wall of a men's restroom stall in Candlestick Park is somewhat difficult to understand. But you know what? All of the aforementioned are STILL completely full of shit, 95% of the time. Regardless of their respective levels of difficulty. One more example: "Ore no atama no ue ni akai chiizu ga notteru." Do you know what I just said? Most of you probably don't because it was written in Japanese, which would make it pretty difficult to understand for someone who doesn't quite savvy the language, right? Well, what I said was "There is red cheese sitting on top of my head." See what I mean now? Just because something is difficult to understand does not make it a work of art.
3) One of my high school English teachers was particularly obsessed with Shakespeare. "Listen," she'd tell us, DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY, "to how the words flow together to make this whole picture in your head! Isn't Shakespeare brilliant? The way he paints the whole portrait for you, right there, with only words..." You know what I think? I think that that's a crock of shit. Sure, Shakespeare may have been quite an intelligent man, but it seems to me that he wrote the way he did not to show off his skill with the English language and his brilliant way with prose, but for an entirely different reason. He realized and grabbed ahold of something that marketing/ad executives and producers of shitty TV shows and movies would in turn realize and grab ahold of (and then continue to choke the dear life out of) hundreds of years later. You know what this Brilliant Revelation was? You want me to tell you?
Come here, move in a bit closer...
That's right... Now listen really closely, because I'm about to reveal one of the Secrets Of The Ages... Ready? Here it goes.....
Most people are stupid.
That's right, folks. Most People Are Stupid. Which means that if you have this horribly brilliant idea for a book/play/song/whatthefuckever that is totally advanced and intellectually stimulating and thought-provoking, well, sorry, but you probably won't be making that first million from pedalling it to the masses anytime soon. You know why? Because it would require too much thinking on the part of the reader/audience member/listener/consumer. That's right, the Lowest Common Denominator Back Then was a lot like the Lowest Common Denominator of Today, only to a much lesser degree of semiretardation. If you can get past the "strange" grammatical structurings and occassional archaic colloquialisms (Note: Keep in mind that back then, that kind of language was a LOT more commonplace and thus easier to understand than it would be considered now), Shakespeare's work does indeed "draw a portrait" in your head of what's going on. Because God forbid we might actually have to think for ourselves and use our fucking imaginations just in order to enjoy a book!!! Why that would be just fucking HORRIBLE now, wouldn't it?!?!? All of that "laying it out for you exactly as it happened" shit should be reserved for auto-/biographies and other forms of historical accounts and such.
Well, it seems that I've gone and done it again, gone off on an almost completely irrelevant and even somewhat bitter rant about something that cannot be changed. I might as well stop here before I make even more of an ass of myself.
Anyway, if I want to read (what I consider) truly good writing, I'll stick with Kurt Vonnegut, Hunter S. Thompson, or A*****'s journal. Now THERE'S someone who knows what the fuck she's talking about and knows how to write it down with Class and Intellect. Once again, to put it quite simply, and in the words I'd probably use if I was to actually vocalize this sentiment, "she got like a real fucking way with words, man."
Personal Note: If you want, I'll remove the link, sorry about using it without permission.
I'll write more later about some of the shit that's gone on over the past few months.